random

Why does everything seem like a struggle? It seems like there has never been a point in my life when I wasn't fighting for something.
This depression/anxiety is taking over. It doesn't matter what I do. Meds aren't helping, Exercise isn't helping, Even the sun doesn't seem to help. I'm so sick of feeling like crap all of the time. I can't explain it to anyone either because no one seems to understand. Steve tries, basically because he is the only person I can talk to about it. I have tried to talk to other people and I usually get a bewildered look or an uncomfortable laugh. I just stopped trying as far as friends and the rest of my family are concerned.
I wish I could find the right therapist or medicine or combination of the two. I have had it with therapy. It doesn't do anything. The last one I went to just kept telling me to read books. If I wanted self-help books I wouldn't be paying for therapy!!! DUH!  Then they made me see a different doc for meds. I am uncomfortable enough with telling a stranger all of my problems, don't make me do it twice.
I'm hoping that warm weather and flowers are on the way. Maybe if I can get outside...go hiking and camping, even swimming will be wonderful....just maybe I will feel better. I'm looking forward to summer break. I just hope the boys will find a way to get along with each other and it can be a pleasant summer. We already have a bunch of camping planned. All with friends and family so I know we will be having some fun.

I need help God!  You are the only one who can give it to me. Please help me to shake the shadow that hangs over me and let me be happy. Help me to give Steve and the boys the wife and mother that they deserve. Not this grumpy pain in the butt they have been living with. Help me to be comfortable within myself and not feel like I'm always on the edge. Show me the way Lord.